Teenagers and Valentine, what can I do as a Parent?

 Although as a African parent, you might want to frown at your teenager having a boyfriend or girlfriend or have a valentine, but the truth is your teenager is exposed to a lot of peer pressure that he/she could easily loose his/her identity. So, what would you do to ensure your teenager does not get hurt during this valentine period? Parents can use Valentine's Day to start important conversations with their teens or pre-teens that can make them understand the meaning of dating and relationships -- not just now but throughout their lives. This is a period teenagers would be ready and willing to talk about their understanding of love, dating, relationship and valentine’s day.

The truth is teenagers are inquisitive and adventurous, with the thought of being adults, they would want to be adults on Valentine’s Day too, go on a date with someone special or not, at least not to feel left out on Val’s day and have a story to share when friends are sharing theirs. Teenagers spend more time with their pairs than with their parents, hence a greater belief in their peers, even though the peers may not know any better in case they know as much. Young lovers are among the keenest age groups planning to lose their virginity on Valentine's Day, Feb 14, according to a survey released by the University of the Thai Chamber of Commerce on Tuesday, 07/02/2012.  The Internet, social media and cell phones have opened up new avenues for improper, even illegal behavior, among teenagers This is a thing a lot of parents would not want to read, so how do you protect your teenager from breaking your heart?

·        Know your teen's friends. "As children become tweens and teens, it's more important than ever for parents to know their children's friends," Landers said. "This is the age when what peers think and say are a teen's top influence. Teens value their friends the most. You must know them.

"You may have to step in and help the child reduce his or her relationship with a peer who you think is negative or damaging. That's very difficult. It's easier to promote positive relationships early and nourish those relationships through the teen years."

·        Set family expectations early and review often. It's never too early to start talking about your family's unique values and expectations. Start talking about dating and relationships as early as age 9 or 10, no later than 12 -- before the first date is even on the horizon, so that your teenage would not be misinformed outside and hold it superior to your parental advices.

"Your child needs to know what activities you consider appropriate and where the absolute out-of-bounds lines are," Be sure to look for 'teaching moments' -- such as a USA congressman who was forced to resign after sending a provocative photo. These events become lessons in the bad things that can happen when actions aren't thought through. You can discuss incidents that are in the news, behavior of TV stars, scenes in movies, anything that will inspire conversation and help you reinforce your values message.

·        Take a deep breath and discuss sexual situations your teen might encounter. "Remind them that oral sex is sex. There seem to be some teenage and adult misunderstandings about that". Be sure your teens understand that they have the right to say no." You might even role play potential situations so your child learns how to say no, or what to do if he or she feels pressured.

·        Let your teenager understand that sex is not love! There are several valentine’s days to come in future when he/she would have being mature enough to know the real meaning of valentine’s day and love and would have truly understood and what he/she really wants without being under any pressure or influence.

The teenage years are an important time for any child. He or she is taking steps toward adulthood and making lifetime memories: first date, first crush, and first love. "Hopefully, they'll have fond memories of the caring, involved parent who watched over them during this time as well." This forms a part of their fond memories and family values that can become trans-generational which you would be glad you are involved in it.